No Place Left to Go

New Year's Eve morning, 7am.Same person as Christmas Eve morning.
No pizza this time, no soda, still no bike.

Researching the Crazy?

Perhaps he was over there looking for the birth certificate? Why else would Rush Limbaugh be visiting a foreign country? Oh yeah.

Biggest Wins Music Trivia Contest

And as a special treat, here's one of Big Jim's all-time favorite bands -- EVAH -- featuring his doppelganger Country Dick Montana on drums -- performing the Neil Young classic Powderfinger...

Name that Tune

"Big John's been drinkin' since the river took Emmy Lou."

Gender-based Voting

Apparently, only younger women voted for Obama. For the record, and she can will correct me if I'm wrong, my Mom was for Obama all the way. My Dad was (at least initially) for Hillary.

Raising the Bar on Cukoo for Cocoa Puffs

In case you haven't heard, Birther queen Orly Taitz is plain crazy...

What is the real intention of this Kenyan, Indonesian communist usurper? Is it to provide security for us or to destroy our security? Judge for yourself.

Seeing targeted destruction of our economy, our security, dissipation of American jobs, massive corruption in the Government, Congress Department of Justice and Judiciary, it might be time to start rallies and protests using our second amendment right to bare arms and organise in militias.

"Right to bare arms?"

Harrumph...Who Knew?

Watch Mary Matalin Cruella DeVille explain how President Bush "inherited the most tragic attack on our own soil in our nation's history."

I'm pretty sure she's talking about September 11, 2001.

Truth in Headlining

You may have heard over the weekend about the woman who leapt from her pew in the Sistine Chapel and gang-tackled the pope (taking out a cardinal along with him for the bonus points). CNN gots it's headline just about right...

Slainte!

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one." -- George Bernard Shaw

Epitaph for a Decade?

"What the hell was that all about?"

And Paul Krugman offers a nickname for the '00s: "The Big Zero."

Nitroglycerine

Beyond Satire

This morning, as I was trying to process what the whole "Nigerian terrorist who met with Al Qaeda in Yemen and later tried to blow himself up on the flight to Detroit" thing means, the thought occurred to me that we're just damn lucky Dubya's not in charge anymore or we'd be on the short track to dropping a little shock-and-awe on Yemen.

Leave it to President Droopy Lieberman to show I wasn't too far off in my thinking:

Sen. Joseph Lieberman, (I[diot]-Conn) a renowned hawk and one of the foremost champions of the invasion of Iraq, warned on Sunday that the United States faced “danger” unless it pre-emptively acts to curb the rise of terrorism in Yemen.

Door to Door...

[click image for larger view.]

Suspicious

The last time we heard a story like this, Tiger Woods turned out to have 18 girlfriends...

Lakers forward Ron Artest will probably miss tonight’s game against the Sacramento Kings after tripping over a box and falling down a set of stairs at home Friday night, according to a statement released by the Lakers.

Goddamn kids and their Xmas Day boxes (allegedly).

Botched Cliche

Heard sombody today refer to the "whole kitchen caboodle."

Ummmm...not so much.

Santa Claus and His Old Lady

Have a Swingin' Xmas...

NKC Sings A Christmas Song

The Lost Ending of It's a Wonderful Life

Cristmas in Hollis

Eight Crazy Nights

Can anyone explain to me why all the NBA players are wearing the Star of David on their jerseys for these Xmas Day games?

Father Christmas

The Kinks....

Fairytale of New York

"And the boys from the NYPD choir were singing Galway Bay
And the bells were ringing out for christmas day."

A Non-Denominational Holiday

Not Easter

Neologism

Came across a wonderful new phrase to describe the followers of Sarah Palin:

Khmer Rogue.

Christmas Eve Morning

Outside the SLO Public Library, 7am...Sleeping bag, pizza box, 24-ounce Pepsi. What more do you need?

'Tis the Season

I guess the shoppers are getting a little desperate...

Let's Play: Punked? or Whacked?

You may have heard earlier this week about wingnut Senator Tom Coburn's wish that all the teabagging Christians would unite in prayer to exert Gawd's justice over the health care reform bill...by striking down one of the Democratic senators expected to vote "Yes" on the measure. This was seen as a particularly callous and cynical reference to the ails of West Virginia's aging Robert Byrd.

Needless to say, outraged Dems demanded an apology, which Coburn declined to provide, instead offering tepid claims he'd been misunderstood and had only wished that some unnamed senator's car wouldn't start (and if that isn't a euphemism for death I don't know what is). At any rate, Byrd survives.

This morning on C-SPAN, a panicky caller confronts Wyoming Republican Senator John Barrasso with the fear that his prayers were misheard and the wrong senator may have died. It seems Oklahoma Senator James Inhofe failed to show up to vote this morning, and the Gawd-fearing nutjob teabagger (or is it a prank?) thinks maybe the Man Upstairs got the wrong message...

Killing in the Name...of Christmas???

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you...the #1 song on the pre-Christmas British pop chart:

How did this 17-year-old headbanging classic make the climb? A bit of Facebook shenanigans, natch. Have a Merry! [h/t Baughb]

DFH

Now we know, the liberal media really does think we're all just a bunch of Dirty Fucking Hippies...

"...but I gotta say, Contessa, just because so much of the commentary I've heard has been really idiotic. Liberals who want universal health care ought to be thanking Harry Reid for getting this thing done rather than talking about what's inadequate in the bill. I'm not saying the bill's a good bill, but if you're a liberal, and you want universal coverage in this country, and think that you could do better than Harry Reid, can do better than what he's done, or the White House can do better, they ought to lay off the hallucinogenic drugs because we have had a vivid demonstration of the limits of political possibilities on this issue."

In Case You Missed It

The Washington Redskins ran a picture perfect fake field goal last night against the hated New York Giants. You gotta love rivalry games; it doesn't get any better than this:

Framing Democrats

Howard Dean was interviewed on Meet the Press this morning. That schlub David Gregory came up with this gem while discussing the in-fighting among Democrats on the health care reform bill:

Gregory: "Are you prepared to leave the Democratic Party?"

The quizzical and annoyed look on Dean's face was priceless. "Of course not," Dean replied. What a ridiculous question.

Health Care Reform, by National Lampoon

Just because they're calling it health care "coverage" doesn't mean that's what it is. Without the so-called public option or a "Medicare buy-in" of some freaking sort or another, this health care bill is nothing more than a back-alley mugging. That is to say, if I don't want your shitty-ass health insurance policy you're telling me I still have to buy it?!?

I think we've been down this road before.

Overheard at McCarthy's

Jerry shows up for his shift (at about 12 noon on a Saturday), surveys the scene and says, quite matter-of-factly:

"Looks like a meeting of the world's biggest losers in here."

Happy Kwanzaa!

Robert DeNiro and Bruce Springsteen don their Kwanzaa ribbons for a celebration with the President at the White House. [j/k]

The Pickup Truck Song

Easy Livin'

Anytime I see a list of the "Worst Burgers in America," that list goes right into my back pocket. What...are they trying to discourage people from going to In-n-Out?!?

WTF is that about?

What About the War?

While I share Dylan Ratigan's disgust over this travesty of a health care reform bill, as I watched this vid I was left with only one overriding question: Where was this level of outrage during the entirety of the Bush Administration? I mean, come on, they fucked up the whole entire world over the course of 8 years, they diminished our reputation and made us an evil, almost universally hated laughingstock, and I can't recall one time -- not one time -- when a Bush crony was ever -- ever -- called out like Ratigan does here to Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.

What Has Lieberman Stuffed Up In That Sock?

This vid is 100% factual until the last 25 seconds or so...

"First they came for the rich...."

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Highway to Health - Last Tea Party Protest of the Year
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Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

"Major League Asshole"

With Senate Democrats bracing for an all night session aimed at moving the health care reform bill to a final vote before Christmas, word comes from Washington that [President] Droopy Lieberman -- yeah, that Lieberman, the crucial 60th vote -- has skipped town and headed home for the weekend (apparently rendering the whole exercise moot). It's perfectly clear now that this is all a big game to Lieberman, and he's is going to drag it out and embarrass his former party at every possible opportunity.

What a total douchebag.

Can't Fix a Steaming Pile of Crap

For those on the left who argue the prudent thing to do is pass this deeply-flawed train wreck of a health care reform bill and "fix it later," I have a question:

If fixing it later will be so easy, why don't we do it right the first time?

I'm not buying into the "fix it later" rationale for one stinking minute.

And Furthermore

Joe Droopy Lieberman has been an unctuous, santimonious, two-bit ass for a long, long time. He was the first Democrat to make a floor speech denouncing President Clinton and he campaigned against Barack Obama last fall.

Quite the Lothario

It's not so much that two teenage girls from Paso Robles up and took off with some transient, it's that they up and took off with a guy who looks like that. [Charles Manson anyone?]

Let's Not Kid Ourselves

You can take your health care reform...you can forget about that new policy tossing out the pre-existing condition exclusion and you forget about the end of "rescission" and you can leave behind the public option and/or the Medicare buy-in...here's the plain, honest truth: the health insurance companies are going to win this fight, and you we are going to lose. End of story.

We were fools ever to think this whole sordid exercise was going to end otherwise.

As an added bonus, you just watch, the Democrats are going to squander their once massive 60-40/258-177 mandate and hand control of Congress back to the Republicans in 2010.

Democrats suck. How's that for pessimism...?

Overheard at the Frog-and-Peach

Drinking liberally at the Froggie tonight when I overhear [this is not actually an fair description because I was part of the conversation] Chad explaining about his work day. I've just finished telling him I'm sure he's a good worker and his boss must love having him on the crew:

Chad: "You know all those times when you see me at 7:30am waiting for the bus?
Me [I see Chad every day while I'm hurrying to my own job]: "Yeah."
Chad: "Well, I'm already an hour late for work."

Majority Leader for a Day

This is an absolute thing of beauty: Minnesota Senator Al Franken was given the gavel this afternoon in the Senate, and he made good use of it, doing what we've all been wishing someone would do for the better part of the past 4 8 20-something years...and that's to tell Senator Joe Droopy Lieberman to sit down & shut the fuck up.

And There's No Santa Claus, Either

The glass really is half-empty.

Bullshit Detector Registering Off the Charts

With Democratic political leaders (including President Obama) now trying to justify their train wreck of a health care reform bill by claiming it will "provide" health care to an additional 29-million (plus or minus) previously uninsured people, it's worth noting that, in its present form, this health care reform legislation doesn't "provide" anything to anybody.

What is does do is require people to buy health insurance from privately-held corporations, by whatever means they can, aside from public assistance of course.

When this thing ultimately doesn't pass, as now appears more likely by the hour, just watch how the Democrats are slimed by gleeful, gloating Republicans as EPIC-FAIL F-A-I-L-U-R-E-S.

I'm An Egg Man, Myself

From the You Can Never Be Too Cautious Department:

A Costco in Salt Lake City, Utah reportedly removed all of its tomatoes ahead of a Sarah Palin book tour event, after a man was arrested for attempting to hit Palin with a tomato at an earlier event in Minnesota.

According to the Salt Lake Tribune, Costco management was "determined" to avoid another tomato-throwing incident, and resorted to removing all of the tomatoes from the store.

One can only hope some intrepid protester ambles through the dairy section on their way to the book signing.

That's Senator Al Franken

Watch as Minnesota Senator Al Franken sets aside the usual stuffy decorum of the Upper Chamber and takes his "good friend from South Dakota" John Thune to the woodshed...

Incalculable

Corporate Governance

If the government is going to issue a mandate requiring that people buy health insurance from private corporations -- under threat of fine or other penalty -- without offering a public alternative -- isn't that textbook corporate fascism?

Catch-22

It's the wingnuts' stock in trade. I saw the other day where someone pointed out that liberals can never win the politics games because conservatives are masters at moving the goalposts to fit their needs.

The example given was that during bad times, like now, when government should be shoveling cash into the economy as a way to prime the pump of recovery, all you hear the GOP talk about is how "there is no money for [jobs] or [health care] or [fill-in-the-blank]" and we need to use any funds we do have to "reduce the deficit." "Pay down the debt" is the bad-government battle-cry of conservatives in a deficit economy.

When times are good, like during the Clinton years and in the early years of the Bush administration, when the nation boasted massive surpluses, the call was not to spend that extra money on necessary projects. No...the best policy during the good times? TAX CUTS. "Let people spend their own money" is the bad-government battle-cry of conservatives when Washington could put some of that money to use repairing infrastructure or helping the less-fortunate among us.

Now a similar phenomenon has sprouted up, just in the last few days. It's the conservatives' brilliant plan to help end some of the nation's unemployment woes. How do they propose we accomplish this feat? By cutting the minimum wage, natch! Create millions more jobs by paying everyone less money.

Hell, a magnanimous idea like that makes slavery look like the quick road to full employment.

Go Ahead and Die Already

By the time it's all said and done, health care reform is simply going to mandate that every man, woman and child in America set up an automatic deposit account directly into a private insurance company's coffers -- which one is your choice! Their only obligation will be to take your money and pay their executives.

Watch Your Metaphors

Memo to my fellow office workers: I don't think it's really appropriate to use the phrase "cold as a witch's tit" when discussing the weather in mixed company.

Casual Question

Who died and made Joe Lieberman president?

Who Asked You?

The king of Macaca weighs in on health care reform. Who cares?

The Democratic Party...

...snatching defeat from the jaws of victory since 1792.

On Tiger

Pufferfish has a nice take on the whole Tiger Woods ibroglio...

In 1996, Earl [Woods] told Sports Illustrated that his son would someday be more important than Gandhi or Buddha, calling him “the Chosen One. He’ll have the power to impact nations.” Earl added: “The world will be a better place to live in by virtue of his existence… I know that I was personally selected by God himself to nurture this young man and bring him to the point where he can make his contribution to humanity. This is my treasure. Please accept it and use it wisely.”

Fuck me in the ear.

A Word from Our Sponsor

Major Prize

The Fremont Theater here in town shows old movies the second Tuesday of every month. Last week it was "A Christmas Story," so we took my bro for his birthday. Not only did 350 people embarrass him by singing "Happy Birthday," he won a "Major Prize" in the pre-movie trivia contest!

Here it is on display in his front window (right where it's supposed to be)...

Milk Cow Blues...Times Two

TPM's Quote of the Daty

Batsh*t-crazy, lunatic-fringe, wingnuttia Citizen of the Year, Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachman on members of the Obama administration:

"These people are not connected to reality."

Grayson to Cheney: "STFU"

Rolled Again

The Medicare buy-in compromise (which killed the public option in the health care reform bill) is a sham. First of all, you can bet your bottom dollar even that provision will be watered down before this measure becomes law. On top of that, while the buy-in is surely a deal for people 55 years and older, the rest of us will still be subject to... The Mandate: Every American will be required to buy private insurance or pay a fine. This is an epic giveaway to the private insurance companies. there's no other way to look at it. [The "public option" existed in large part primarily to help those who would be unable to afford private insurance.]

In the days and weeks to come you may hear the argument made that the Medicare buy-in was a tricky way of sneaking the camel's nose under the tent, giving legislators an opening in the future to lower the buy-in age, first from 55 to 45, then 35 and ultimately extending Medicare to all (and if that's not socialized medicine then I don't know what is).

POPPYCOCK. Ain't gonna happen.

Just look at how excruciating the current health care reform debate has been. Democrats acceded on single-payer from the start -- it wasn't even on the table; they gave in on the public option; they gave up on the watered-down public option; they bargained away women's reproductive rights to placate the pro-lifers. If you think the Medicare buy-in age is magically going to drop to 45...or 35..or {guffaw} 25 any day in our lifetimes you've been smoking some Grade-A medical marihuana.

Idle Question

Has anyone ever gone from golden to garbage faster than Tiger Woods? The car accident was Nov. 27th; that's only 12 days ago.

Drip, Drip, Drip...

You think you've had a bad week?

From today's Charter News front page:As the old saying goes: "Lay Lie (sorry grammar police) down with porn stars, wake up with nude photos of yourself being peddled around the Internet."

Fooled Again

Senate Democrats Agree to Drop Public Option.

Why should we even be surprised?

Ssssshhhhh.....!!!!!!

"What is man but a miserable little pile of secrets."
-- Andre Malraux

Malraux also penned this gem: "There is always a need for intoxication: China has opium, Islam has hashish, the West has woman."

Bargain Bin

I'd say if you have delusions of a presidential run in 2012, the bargain bin at the Dollar Store is not the best place to find your book. [h/t Wonkette]

You Say Tomato...

Memo to all aspiring tomato-chuckers: As much as that peach of a gal Sarah Palin may deserve a ripe red one right in the kisser, it's best not to hit the cop standing next to her by mistake. Also.

Headline of the Day

The idea that a group of 11 Muslin terrorists could take over a plane, call the flight crew "infidel dogs" and menace the passengers in a dry-run hijacking -- all while standing in the aisles watching home-made porn on their smart phones -- defies belief, but that doesn't stop rightwing websites like World Nut Daily from reporting it as news. Watch for this wingnut on Hannity any day now.

Practice Makes Perfect?

[click image for larger view]

Not Surprising

With regard to health care reform, it's hardly surprising (and completely predictable)that once the liberal-wing of the Democratic Party was convinced to give up on single-payer and go along with the legislative Frankenstein monster called the "public option," even the public option would be treated as unacceptable by the turncoat wing of the Democratic Party. Same goes for all those anti-abortion amendments.

Memo to the party leaders: It's not a compromise if only one side keeps giving things up. I'm tired of getting played, but I'm not expecting things to change anytime soon.

Classic Overbuild

In the parlance of the real estate appraisal industry, this is what's called an over-improvement...

...the [George W.] Bush Library [is] a 225,000 square foot affair that will sit on a 22-acre site to be completed in 2013, at a cost of between $200 and $500 million.

Seems a little on the large side to hold two stinking books. [1] [2]

Secondhand Smoke

When it comes to secondhand smoke, it's not the breathing of the smoke that really bothers me, it's the thought that the smoke came out of someone else's lungs. GROSS!

Which Came First? The Chicken or the Asshole?

Remember that recent story about the couple whose chicken laid an egg with a cross on the end? They think it's a sign from Gawd; I postulated it was a football-shaped egg (correctly, it turns out). But Kurt Vonnegut once used a similar shape to help explain some stuff in "Breakfast of Champions".

The Washington Post is a Joke

The Washington Post is a real newspaper -- allegedly -- that reports real news... Hello.

This song came out in 1990.

Bummer Nacht

Stupid Runs Deep in Texas

This week's "I found a picture of Jeezuz on my pancake story"...

BURLESON, Texas – A Fort Worth-area couple said one of their hens laid an egg with a cross on the end of it. Pam and Tracy Norrell of Burleson, who displayed the odd-shaped egg, said they believe it's a sign of encouragement during the holiday season.

How do they know it's not just a football-shaped egg?

Sign of the Times...

Counted no fewer than 5 sidewalk troubadours grifting for change during my 15 minute walk around downtown SLO at break time.

They should start a band.

Whaddya Know?Another Racist Southern Redneck Asshole Got Himself Elected

Much hay is being made today about one Russell Wiseman (who's last name is most assuredly not an eponym), the small-town Tennessee mayor who unleashed racist and bigoted tirade on his Facebook page accusing President Obama of pre-empting "A Charlie Brown Christmas" for his own nefarious Muslin purposes. [Yes, you read that right. Get the full story here.]

Equally interesting disturbing were the findings of an online poll conducted at the Commercial Appeal's website, the results of which can be seen below:

I guess we know who voted for Mayor Wiseman.

Word.

Improvement (?)

[click image]

It does look as if things may be getting a bit better, though the U6 rate is still at 17.2%. Full analysis here.

Tiger Joke 2

Q: What's the difference between a golf ball and a Cadillac Escalade?

A: Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 350 yards.

Look-a-Likes

A woman just stopped me on the street and told me I look like Edward Norton. I think that's a step up from the Michael J. Fox sightings I used to get all the time.

Isn't it?

"Goat F#ckers and Breed Mares"

A brief visit once again to the Appraisers Free Forum website yields the following xenophobic, reactionary, racist, nationalistic gem, courtesy of psychotically-angry poster "Bad Hombress":

There is no remote (im)moral equivalent to Islamic terror. Steve Emerson, terrorism expert often interviewed on news shows had what sadly is probably the right answer shortly after 9/11 when asked "what is the answer." His reply was, "Something we'll never do: genocide."

Okay, systematic genocide should be out, but deport every last one of the goat fuckers and their breed mares, at least 2 generations' worth. Make it clear that any strike against America or Americans abroad, military or civilian, will be met with immediate, thorough investigation and once the perpetrators' countries of origin are determined, massive fire-bombing/limited range, small nuclear bomb drops will commence over those nations.

Oh, but they don't care about subjecting their people to martyrdom? Fine, let's oblige and give them their one-way ticket to "Paradise."

I think it best to avoid getting in a political argument with that woman.

Tiger's Folly

Heard a Tiger Woods joke yesterday...

"If Tiger's wife Elin really wanted to hurt him with a golf club, she shouldn't have used a two-iron. Only Tiger can hit the two-iron. Buh-dump bump."

Language of Bums

As a public service, in these tough economic times, here's a handy chart to help you out communicating with bums...

Darth Cheney

The Rude Pundit on Dick Cheney:

When you are a slithering, maggot-spewing, Hades-spawned dungbeast like Cheney, you have only a couple of choices when you are visited by humans: ingest them into your viscous maw or ream them completely...

...Dick Cheney, one of the most vile people ever to be allowed to walk into the White House, the man whose mere presence in this world led to the creation of the abyss we're trying to avoid finally plunging into, the motherfucker who advocated policies that actually and really reversed the course of this nation's progress in order to demonstrably profit a very few people, a deranged sadist whose death would instantly lead to more light on the earth, says that Barack Obama is against America...

[N.B. Link is not for the faint of heart.]

Empathy Deficit

I feel bad about it, but if bunion sufferers wanted more sympathy, they'd come up with a less whimsical name for their affliction. As it is, the word is too much like Funyuns.

Only in America

The Freedom Tray...for your fries, and a whole lot more!

The Word is "Teat," You Twit.

Chuck Grassley is an idiot, illiterate, socialist farmer.

Man Overboard!

Need a good reason to jump off a perfectly good cruise ship? How about a trip that costs $1,400 (minimum) and features wingnut powerhouses Ralph Reed, Dick Morris, Grover Norquist, John Fund and Bob Grant? Jump!!!!

Thank You for Not Smoking

The city of San Luis Obispo was the first in the nation to ban smoking indoors at bars, restaurants, movie theaters and the like. That decision 19 years ago sparked a trend that changed the landscape of America. Well, SLO-town is at it again. Last night the city council voted to ban smoking at all outdoor public places, such as the popular Mission Plaza and all city parks. While I will welcome the cleaner air, I must say the best side-effect of this measure will be the hoped-for decline in the number of cigarette butts littering the sidewalks and gutters of our fair city.
God I hate that.

What is this country to which Obama refers?

"Pocky-stahn."

Inside the Number

Early in his speech tonight, President Obama noted that the vote in favor of the war in Afghanistan was 98-to-zero in the Senate and, in the House or Representatives, 420-to-1.

That one vote?

Barbara Lee, Democrat from Oakland, California.

Not Super Happy About More War

...but here's Obama's speech on Afghanisatan:

Not Sure Which is Worse...

...The fact that Uganda has a law calling for the execution of gays, or the fact that homophobic bible-thumpin' [allegedly semi-liberal] pastor Rick Warren won't take a stand against the measure.

“As a pastor, my job is to encourage, to support. I never take sides.”

Funny, I don't remember Warren expressing such equanimity when he came out in favor of California's Prop Hate.

More Troops

Stop the war, I want to get off.

Gun America

The wingnuts are actually making the argument that if only Washington state allowed "conceal and carry" gun possession then someone in the Seattle Starbucks might have prevented the killing of those four cops the other day.

Ahem...isn't it safe to assume each of those four cops was armed? Would one or two or four more armed individuals shooting it up in a Starbucks really have resulted in a lesser tragedy? Really?