The local fishwrap recently introduced a new commenting policy that requires anyone who wishes to post on its site to register with Facebook under -- presumably -- his or her real name. I did so, right here. The result of the new policy, as as one might expect, was a sharp drop in comments.
Eventually, however, the commenters started drifting in, unable to resist the urge to rant (guilty as charged). As a result, one of those erstwhile commenters -- the one who can't spell for shit and has no concept of grammar and is plainly just the worst kind of racist comment section troll ever (the one known as: "redneck") -- has been completely unmasked as a person named "Mike Morgan," of Julian, California.
Now, "Mike Morgan," of Julian, California, obviously doesn't identify himself as "redneck" on the SLO Tribune website, but after years of scanning past this troll's barely literate bullshit, there's no question that "Mike Morgan," of Julian, California, is "redneck." He can't spell; his grammar is atrocious; his points are ridiculous; his IQ is clearly below 80; he doesn't have two clear thoughts to rub together, but it's mostly his misuse and abuse of semi-colons that's the big giveaway.
Look people, the semi-colon is the high-wire act of creative writing. It hangs there and tempts you to use it, and it takes nerves of steel to mark down a dot over a comma correctly. The use of semi-colons is not for the grammatically faint of heart.
So my hat is off to you, San Luis Obispo Tribune. I have long wondered who this mindless, moronically gleeful, "simpletroll" was, and now, by virtue of your new commenting policy, there can by no question: "Mike Morgan," of Julian, California, is the one and only "redneck."
I'd bet the house on it.